I was flipping through my quote journal and came across this piece I wrote four months after returning to the US in 2009. I’m a verbal processor and sometimes that comes out through writing – this starts quite raw and ends in peace. For some reason, I’m ok with letting you peak into my heart a little….the heart that many who have experience reverse culture shock probably share…To those who know my story this will make sense; to those who don’t, well, it’s a glimpse.
Tears tug at my eyes
telling me I’m hurting
Pushed back once again
I ignore
Ignore – longings, sadness
a chapter finished
Inside I feel the waterfall of emotions
cascading, tumbling, whirling
Push it down, ignore, hide
and I do
I listen to the part of me that is numb
it’s easier and less painful
Something tells me life isn’t like this
but life is floundering
Lost, not fitting in
strangeness, foreign emotions
It’s where I grew up and was raised
Why is it so foreign?
I long for my heart to be free
for mi corazón latino que palpite una vez más
Dios mío ¿Dónde estoy?
Ajeno todo ajeno
I lie to myself
I’m fine, I’m adjusting
But the heart speaks the truth
whispers of what once was
Who changed? Me? Them?
The truth? Both
A wanderer’s heart I have
but a need to belong
Contradictions reign in my life
but one truth remains
I am a child of the King
I belong to Him
La Roca eterna, mi fortaleza
strength and protection He gives
While I walk the paths of life
tumble through streams of emotion
Jump in field of joy
cry in canyons of loneliness
He holds me tight
with Him and to Him I fly
En alas de alabanza vuelo
sola, anhelando a mi Salvador
Few understand, few see
behind a mask, crookedly placed
Those who understand
they KNOW and SEE
Comfort? En brazos cariñosos
de Nuestro Padre
Those who walked where I now tread
know and have passed and lived
For us there is a word – family
not of blood yet by One’s blood we became
Owned, purchased, bought
We belong to a heavenly realm
We do not change our path
it is unknown but desired
We are nomads
and our tents go up and down
Stakes are placed and pulled up
some left where we placed them
We are our own culture
we are children of the King
We are missionaries
“Go” He said
Obedient through all
trusting in the Truth
“Go” the call rings strong
bags packed, eyes ahead
One foot steps
then the other follows
The path is lighted
familiar, yet not
Hand in hand we walk
Jesus our guide
To the lost, the hurting, prideful
humbly serving, deeply loving
Who are we?
normal people with a heavenly dream
Pilgrims in a foreign land
sharing the way, the hope, the dream
Love you.
those two little words say a lot 🙂