Sprawled across my bed with my lovely fireplace heater going (hey! it was below 70 degrees!) I scribbled in my journal as I processed through the last two months. Yeah, I’m horrible at journaling but I like to catch up. So I wrote about Urbana and how I went seeking to serve but also with an open heart of how God might speak to me with direction. I wrote about a neat opportunity I learned about while there and how my heart got excited. But then I wrote about the complications I saw, how I was praying for direction and confirmation and then…
*Tap, Tap* on my “shoulder” and God whispered “Lisa, what have you been praying for since summer? What have I been teaching you?”
“To seek, ask, and knock. I’ve been praying for a new passion and direction of where I’m supposed to go next.”
“Have I been faithful? Haven’t I given you that direction?”
“Yes…but…there’s this and that and…”
*Tap, Tap* “Have I answered you? Why are you questioning?”
*Sigh* “Yes, Lord. Thank you for your patience with this wavering child.”
I really think I was waiting for God to show up like the genie from Aladdin – with fireworks and flare and pomp and circumstance.
Instead He quietly, steadfastly, and faithfully opened my heart and showed me. And so I move forward in faith, not sure how everything will work out but trusting this is the door He’s asked me to knock on and seeing it start to fling open.
And while I go in faith, this song often comes to mind. With this heart open wide, I lay myself down because there’s no life apart from Him. (my paraphrase)