“May I ask you a personal question?” he asked me.
I’m not one to shy away from personal questions and I’d had some conversations with this businessman turned fellow missionary over the weekend here at Liberty University’s Next Steps. “Sure, go ahead.”
“Do you ever get mad that you’re single?”
I could see that he was really desiring to understand and something about our interactions had given him the confidence to ask this question he said he’s longed to ask a single gal. This was not a subtle “I want to set you up” (I’ve had that awkward conversation with a masseuse) but an honest inquiry to someone who has served overseas and is going again.
I can say no, I don’t get mad. I’ve been frustrated with God when I felt like He was teasing me by bringing someone in and out of my life after teaching me to ask specifically – all after He asked me to give up my self-righteous sacrifice of “I’m ok being single, really.” But I’m not mad or angry that I’m single at the age of 30. To be honest, I never expected to be still single as I really do feel that God’s made me to serve with someone and help him be successful and be the cement that fills in the cracks (the generalist or jack of all trades) wherever I serve.
“How?” you may ask. Well, as I told this man I share the same with you. I know that God has called me to serve Him and right now that means in missions. So I’m not going to sit around and wait for a teammate before I go do what He’s commanding me. So I step in faithful obedience knowing my Father will meet me where I am.
But I’ve also seen God’s faithfulness and provision so I know that He’ll take care of me. I also know that He made my heart and knows it better than I do so He’ll take care of those needs. I know the God I serve and if He asks me to do something, He’ll fill my loneliness and provide the love I need.
Is it hard? Yes. Christ made it clear that following Him wasn’t going to be easy. “Take up your cross and follow me.” A cross is a symbol of sacrifice, a tortuous and shameful death. But He did that for us – for me. But He also promises that the one who has left father, or mother, or brother, or sister with receive more in this world. And I can testify to that just by looking at where I have family and who they are – scattered around the world where I know I can go “home” and be “home” when I need to be.
It comes from a deep confidence of knowing the Savior. It comes from seeing Jehovah Jireh time and time again provide for needs only He knows about. And it comes from the joy of serving Him and knowing that when I’m where He wants me to be it’s the best place to be.
I didn’t want to go overseas again being single, I told this man. But I cannot not follow Christ and His leading. It’s about holding my hands and heart open and letting Him chose what’s best.
“You’re a strong young lady.” his wife told me. Oh, I’m weak in so many areas. But I have a sure and solid foundation. My life is built on a Rock. The Master Architect is drawing the blueprint for my life. He sees my crayon scribbles of what I’d like, but He sees the beautiful masterpiece and takes it all into consideration. You can’t build it all at once, it’s built bit by bit and in the right order.
So I wait…..I don’t know if God will give my that piece of my heart’s desires but even if He doesn’t, I will be content. Because I’m following Christ and not a man. I’ve living for the Almighty God and not a man. My contentment and joy is based in Christ alone and so I live strong and at peace.