“Relationships cost. It’s not that you aren’t going to blow it. It is what you do with it, when you do.” Ann Voskamp
Her words hit me, even though she was talking about mothers.
Oh, I know relationships cost. Believe me do I know. I’ve struggled through sibling relationships, parent relationships, boyfriend relationships, best friend relationships…. I feel like I’ve seen the good, bad, and ugly.
You see, while I may not always show it, I see myself as a loyal friend and it hurts deeply when I lose friendships and saddens me when I see them fade away. Showing that I care is sometimes difficult for me, especially because often I am content just to “be” and forget that I need to show that I care in a way that someone else can understand it. Those few who know it hopefully know I’d do pretty much anything for them.
So it was her last two sentences that caught me. Yes, I am going to blow it. Boy, do I know that! But when that happens, what will I do with it?
Hmmm, as I sit here thinking I realize that I often put too much responsibility on myself (another character trait), often for what isn’t my responsibility. And then I start asking God “Why?” Why did I let that happen in the first place. What went wrong? What did I do this time? The Enemy is sneaky in turning it into “What’s wrong with me?”
So while yes, there are things I need to work on (who doesn’t?) it’s not about dwelling on the imperfections. God has me learning to rely fully on Him (will I ever learn that? 🙂 ) and find joy in the friendships that I do have and focus on those. Not on the ones that I’ve messed up or those who’ve walked away.
Not to say that it’s easy. 🙂 There’s now a 12+ hour time difference between me and most of my friends. I’m making new ones, but I’ll have to say goodbye to them in a couple of days. (Have I mentioned I hate goodbyes?) But I’m learning how to be proactive and send notes when I think of someone (still have some to send). And learning how to pray for those who pop into my head.
Being a traveler makes it hard to stay close sometimes, but I have some pretty awesome friends. Thanks, guys!