Sometimes I have lead in my boots – figuratively. It’s easier to move a person in motion than one standing still. There are the times I feel like I have lead in my boots and I can’t get myself to move – either because I don’t have the where-with-all to move or I’m just being stubborn.
The past couple of months God has been making things clear about me moving back to the USA. I’ve had my moments where I’ve made the tough decision before God revealed that He was going to make the decision for me – such as with my visa situation.
Then there are moments like this past week where I’m still trying to figure out how long I’m supposed to be in the USA and debating how much to settle in. Living life in limbo is not healthy, especially for me right now, but that’s what I feel. Afraid to make those decisions that give more permanence to my stay because (I think) I have yet to fully accept the new path that God is putting me on. When you weren’t expecting to move and had been planning on staying overseas longer, the sudden change requires a radical shift in thinking. But not being at a healthy point, and more on burnout, it’s tough to adjust and accept what is happening when your heart is still behind. I have lead in my boots.
Having transportation while in the USA is an opportunity to plug into my church and find the time with friends that I need right now. But having transportation also means accepting my stay on a longer term basis (most likely). That acceptance, along with the mental energy to car shop, has been non-existent in these past six weeks since I moved to the USA. So God decided to pour out His love on me and provide, effectively taking the lead out of my boots and giving me a kick in the rear to keep processing while giving me the opportunity to connect and be in community (which I really need right now).
He’s given me opportunities to pet/house sit in my church hometown this past week (and upcoming) that have let me reconnect with people. During one of those visits a person told me that they’d like to help me get a car, without me having to worry about the money aspect. I had a mental jaw drop to the floor before I could respond. Actually, how does one show gratitude to a person who is being the conduit of God’s love to you? Having felt more spiritually ‘dry’ lately, God helped me see in a big way how much He loves and cares for me. Sunday, in church, God took my focus off the person/event and put it on Himself…and how much He cares and loves me; that He will take care of me even when I don’t know how to function some days or where to move or what He’s up to. He’s in control when I feel like my world is spinning.
So this week I became a car owner again. Each car I’ve owned has had its own story of how it was a blessing and made me smile. This one is no different. It’s an answer to multiple prayers by multiple people I’m discovering; a testimony of God’s faithfulness and provision and love being abundantly poured out; and a testimony of someone’s faith in God and their obedience to His promptings.
To the person who has been an answer to prayers and a conduit of God’s work in the Body of Christ: