And I mean literally blue! I’ve been blue for about a month now and in this season of rest, processing what’s going on in my life, and healing, it’s been quite insightful.
I had my aunt trim my hair up some more from my drastic cut and told her to have fun and choose between blue or purple highlights to put in my hair. It was one of those moments that I didn’t really care, wanted to do something fun, and recognized that hair (and color) is temporary. Long term reactions were not in my thoughts.
Since then, it has been eye-opening to me to hear other people’s reactions and process my own when I go into my different social groups.
- Because I am in full-time ministry, I often feel an obligation to live within certain “unspoken” rules that I feel others might put on me, when, in reality, I’m the one putting them on myself. As long as I am honoring God in what I do and say, I don’t need to worry about other’s reactions. I am not responsible for their own journey if they should choose to judge me. I am responsible for my own life. (And the people I thought would have a reaction either haven’t noticed, ignored it, or liked it!)
- It’s taught me about my own judgmental attitude. There is no way for me to know if the reason someone’s hair is dyed, or they’re dressed a certain way or,….whatever…is the result of a promise to someone, their own culture, or their own rebellious streak. It’s not my place to judge, but to love the person even if I don’t agree with their choices.
- It’s a great conversation starter! Both the color and the cut have received lots of compliments from complete strangers and from friends.
- There are a lot of people who wish they had the boldness to chop their hair off or dye it a different color but are too scared to do so. It’s taught me about what is temporary and what is permanent in this life.
- A whole lot of people like the blue – from the guy behind the Chipotle counter randomly telling me “it works for you” to the salespeople telling me they like it.
- It brings a smile to my face and happy to my heart, and right now smiles tend to be rare and being happy is often brought down by my daily struggles with pain.
Those are just some small thoughts as I don’t really quite know how to concisely express how it’s one piece of the puzzle in learning to love and take care of myself. I’ve always given of myself when it comes to other’s needs (my counselor reminds me that I need to add a “too” in that sentence) and I don’t think much of my own needs. As I’m learning to heal emotionally and mentally from the challenges of serving, I’m also learning how I should healthily serve in the future so that I don’t end up in burnout again.
So, yes, it’s taught me to be a little selfish and a little radical; but in a good and much-needed way. It’s been amazing in helping me pull out lies I believe as well as to teach me to take care of myself so that I can effectively (and healthily) serve others.
….and remember, it’s just temporary. 🙂