For fourteen years I had it. Whether by choice or by nature of work I suppose I’ll never discern. Perhaps one merged into the other. But I’ve discovered that it’s disappeared.
I didn’t realize it disappeared until I had a taste of it again. I had spent two years fretting because my safety net wasn’t usable. But I used that forced confinement to learn – to learn to stay; to love; to find home; to learn contentment.
And then I renewed my safety net and finally had my passport in my new legal name. I was slightly giddy when I learned about the trip. I hadn’t been on another continent or country in four years. I’d barely been on a plane either.
Then I was there. Wandering on my own. Wishing my love was with me, or I was there. I forced myself to explore instead of hiding away in a room waiting for daylight to touch my home and the opportunity to talk to him.
And so I lost the travel bug. Yes, there is still so much to see, explore, learn…..but it does not grip me like before. I’ve been freed to find stability and love and family; to find contentment and happiness with where I am now; to find a life built together and how we want…..
…..and to travel together, not apart.